eto na naman ang nalilitong ako.

Hay naku Monday na naman. Wala kong magawa, obviously. 1st day na ni Jepp sa job ah. Good for him!
As for me, I'm still a confused carabao. Well, I've kinda planned my life yesterday, but of course, nothing's ever certain. I even inquired about the internship program abroad. I really wanna try that. But the thing is, if ever I get hired again, what am I supposed to do??? Go on leave right away? I really don't know anymore.

Oh ya, weekend flashback. Friday night went as planned. Dinner with Gabi, Janine, Benj and Mon at Gilligan's. Then I commuted to BF, slept over at Jahnniz's house, kwentuhan til 5AM.

Saturday - woke up at 930AM, rode a bus to Megamall at 12nn, stayed at Max's, saw Gelo bec. he's working/researching for a pitch for Max's. Went to the stupid JobFair with all the call centers. Went around Mega, tambay at Mocha Blends with Pong and Coni. Went to Powerbooks/Tower Records then to SM Dept. Store. Then met up with JM and Jepp at Dencio's Mega Strip. Drank, ate then went to JM's house at Cubao, then tambay for a while at Sunken Garden. Took a bus with JM tp Cubao, had the wildest non-aircon, major reckless bus ride of my life. My butt was actually lifted off inches from the last seat. I held on to my life, literally and figuratively. hehe. Took a cab frm Cubao, got home at 11. Early, but I was too tired and sleepy from such a weird, kinds useless, but fun day with friends.

It's office time again, and I'm supposed to be productive but I got nothing to do. I already called BCD and IFS. I'm a bit excited for tomorrow. I wish myself all the luck. I don't know what destiny hold for me yet. But I've been trying to determine my future all this time. I really don't know where I'm headed. There's a reason for everything. Before I wanted everything planned, but now I realized that it's a bit ideal to be in charge of your entire life. Can it be true that the world conspired to get you to where you're really supposed to be? Then what happened to freedom and free will? Hmmm.. All contradicting. As of now, I just want to go with the flow of things. But I can't help but plan ahead so that I wouldn't just be going nowhere. I don't know. I'm confused, and I can't even decipher what I'm confused about. I'm getting tired of this. Too complicated, when it's supposed to be simple anyway. I'm getting tired ot jotting down the same career dilemma entries. I'm tired of talking to people about work and the unknown path that I wish to pursue. Even if I have everything planned, something seems to just come up, leaving me so confused and shattered again. I thought we were to be the driver of our destiny? When do we really know we're taking the right road? Do we follow our instincts? Seek for God's guidance? Wait for signs? (Do I even believe in signs?)

Ugh. I don't know. If I pray, how will I know that it's God telling me what to do, or if it's just me hearing what I want to hear? How do I know what He wants to happen with my life?

Oh what the heck. Enough of this. I'll just give my best shot tomorrow. Then let's see what happens.