Dead-lines

We're cramming a car brochure right now, and it's due at 3pm. My AD partner ate lunch, and i can't even leave my seat to eat because the deadline's drawing near. How come they're so calm and composed? Why am I the only one frantic deep inside? Why? How do you become so composed in such situations? Why do men appear so tranquil during times of distress? I'm trying though, but my heart rate has increased and I can stop moving my right foot. See I'm writing on my blog when I'm supposed to be writing copy to describe all the parts and features of that new vehicle. Must remain calm. Must remain calm.

On second thought, WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! It's so hard to be calm! What's wrong with these people?!! What's wrong with me??!! I can't even eat! Ugh ugh ugh! I'm trying to look composed, but it's my insides that's showing signs of anxiety. Aaackkk aackkk aaacckkkk! I really value the word 'deadline' you know. Good for them they got the skill of begging for an extension. But I don't! For me a deadline's S-A-C-R-E-D. And you can't move it! No matter what happens! No matter if you got hit by a car, a truck, a bulldozer. No matter if your cat lost its head, or your house got hit by a Boeing 747! No matter if someone close to you died from an accident! A deadline is a deadline. It's either you make it or your DEAD. Shit what had college taught me? Ugh.

This reminds me of an experience in high school though. I think that's where the deadline worship came from. When my brother passed away, I still attended my classes during the wake. Everyone was shocked of course. They kept telling me to go home. But anyway, that's how I am. I was only absent for 2 days I think, because of the funeral. I slept for 19 hours straight then. When I came back, I realized we had a group project, and my friends didn't tell me about it anymore, but they included my name on the members list. I felt bad not doing anything, so I admitted to my teacher that I'm not part of the group, and if she can give me another chance, or another deadline so I can finish the project. Unfortunately, she declined, and gave me a failing grade despite my attempt to explain that my absence was due to my brother's funeral. Still, she flunked me and that ticked me off. I was very grade-conscious then. Very. I got a C in that subject. And because of that one C, I didn't graduate high school with an award. I felt horrible, of course. That was my only consolation after losing a brother a month before I graduated.

I can still remember that twinge in my chest whenever I remember that moment. I didn't really hate the teacher. I just hated the situation, and the whole system of that suppsed to be prestigious high school. They can be such hypocrites sometimes. What happened to empathy and sympathy, man? They tell us to sit properly, speak no profanity, move graciously, express only words of respect and exhibit proper decorum, they tell us to atetnd mass everyday and confesss our sins every week, but everything turned into utter bull**** for me when that happened. For me, being human is all about being sensitive to your fellow beings' feelings. You got to learn to understand where people are coming from and put yourselves in their shoes. If you don't can't empathize with the living, then maybe you might as well be dead.

And it won't ever matter if you miss a deadline.